by Vanyl »
21 Apr 2015, 08:03
Hmm... so in my last year of high school, right before the Christmas break, my first bf who was an online bf, came up to visit. He got there the night before the last day of class so I skipped and went to a motel he was staying at nearby with him. My parents got a call about me missing class and a final assignment and I made up some sort of crazy story about having handed it in and it probably got lost. That was the first day (of many) that a partner abused me, actually. I still remember crying and screaming and no one coming to help me... He stayed for 3 more days, each day worse than the last. That was a smurfy smurfy Christmas.
If we count university as school, I made provocative art in both my film, photography, and digital media classes. My film class in third year, I filmed myself nude (but curled up in a ball) in one of the hall ways for about half an hour. I mimed crying, raging, screaming, all of the emotions I felt about my past years of abuse. A custodian nearly stumbled on me and I freaked out and rushed to hide (all caught on film, so that translated as terror from something off screen which worked well). I parsed that together and did a video installation projected on a bed sheet in a small room that is only slightly bigger than a closet and completely empty. I left the sounds of the sheet in the video (I brought the sheets I'd been assaulted on to my video shoot...) and removed any sound I made... It was very freaky to watch because I was screaming and no one could hear me. My classmates all unconsciously stayed near the door until my prof called everyone on it saying that this piece clearly made everyone uncomfortable, and we should be because we all have voices and she had none and no one can look at her comfortably. He loved it.
This theme carried forward into other art. I posted about an art project I did in the "how long have you stayed up thread" and I did a life-size "model picture" of me, nude. I had a female friend do a super long photo session with me in lingerie, bathing suits, and nude. That definitely bonded us! Then I photoshopped some controversial body modifications on to myself. To this day we joke about some of our antics. There is a photo of me with whipped cream only on, even, because that was our dinner (the whipped cream, not me!). lol
I also managed to convince my crush at the time, who was a massive narcissist and the worst person alive that I have ever met, to pose nude so I could photoshop another image together. It was later turned into postcards for an art show I was in and ended up being sent across the city. He was not impressed but he approved the image being used so he had no recourse...
The deeper darker me ever grows,
Until the light burns it apart,
Leaving behind my scorched and naked heart.
"Those who submit are not always weak" - Hyacinth