the-spot.net

Let's start with the safer version of this thread, and see how things have changed over the years.

Seeing as how I'm married now, this is mostly irrelevant. But I did meet my wife on match.com, and during that time there were many dates...some ok, some not.

I also went back and re-read my list of turn-offs through the Looking Glass...and I was a smurf.

So here's my updated list, not in any particular order:

• Unattractive. She doesn't have to be a model, but I do have to find her attractive...weight is factored into attractiveness, not mutually exclusive.
• Has never lived on her own, paid her own bills
• A Smoker (same as before), but I can get past drinking, and someone who's had sex
• Super-dependent personality (same as before) we both need to enjoy time alone on occasion
• Close-minded, unwilling to accept facts.
• Constantly late (not punctual...same as before)

I guess I lightened up one some things as I got older, and realized how ridiculous some of that stuff was. It was all catered to a certain image, or a certain person at the time. Now, it's more about will I be able to get along with this person long-term, instead of what the person has done or looks like.

Hah, I remember this thread. I'm sure things are way different now, I'll have to go search for what I said in the past.

Neo wrote:[*] Unattractive. She doesn't have to be a model, but I do have to find her attractive

I've always felt the same way, and I hate it when people accuse me of being shallow or something. It has nothing to do with that. If I'm going to walk up to a girl with an interest to talk to her, I have to be attracted to her in one way or another. It's just the way things work, and if I'm not attracted to someone, then there's no point in getting to know them more with the purpose of dating them/marrying them.

Yeah, I've usually found there is an inverse relationship of attractiveness and personality, and you have to find the balance of each. That ends up being the hard part - on either imbalanced end, you either can't stand to talk to the person, or you can't stand to be physical with the person. And usually if I can't stand to talk to her, I wouldn't be able to be physical with her either.

Mine are probably still the same as a decade ago.

*Smokers. UGH. So GROSS. I can't stand them. Their breath stinks, their clothes stinks, there is a cloud of stink around them. I work a front desk, and I get so grossed out by the smokers that come in to the office. I hate having to talk to them. OH! And maybe even worst are the people who use those e-cigs, because then they are just rude about where they smoke, and they do it in the movie theater and their stupid e-cloud thingy gets in the way of me watching my movie! UGH!

*Rude, inconsiderate people. The way you treat others around you is a huge indication of how you could treat me. No thanks!

*Bad Hygene. This includes showering, washing up, brushing your teeth, wearing clean clothes. Why is it so hard for some people to make sure they don't STINK before they go out in public. And bad breath is gross. If you are going to be kissing someone, they don't want your bad breath. ICK.

Side note...I love my hubby, but he was doing this diet where he didn't eat a lot of carbs. It caused his breath to smell and taste like nail polish remover/acetone. It had happened to me the last time I tried to do a specific diet, and it had made me feel horribly sick! UGH. I get trying to be healthy, but if your diet makes your breath smell (and taste) like nail polish remover, you have GOT to stop that diet if you want to kiss your wife. GROSS!

Ok, that's all I can think of for now. Too sleepy.

Hmm, I read the old thread last week and I don't think I ever posted there so I guess this will be new...

• - rudeness/lack of manners: I'm 100% a stereotypical Canadian and while my partner need not be, he'd better have the manners of one
  - lack of self-respect: this manifests in lack of motivation to improve health (I don't expect fit, I just want someone who tries to lead a healthy lifestyle, whatever that is for them) or proper grooming/cleanliness
  - lying: I'm pretty f'ing forgiving, but don't lie to me. Ever. I have and will forgive cheating, for better or worse, but I can't forget and trust is hard to get from me once you f with it
  - abuse: it's a turn off, though it takes me longer to realize it than it should
  - smokers/drug users/drunks: I broke that no-smokers rule once and never again. Social drinking is fine, but abuse of any substance is not
  - laziness: I need someone to be as motivated as I am, for whatever their passion is
  - weird piercings: there are some body modifications I just can't look past, nipple piercings for example
  - lack of humour: I can't not have laughter in my life
  - misogyny: this is a new one but I need someone who can see me as an equal outside of certain times, and who will support me when I take on misogynistic situations

There's others I'm sure but I'll cut it off there...

Vanyl wrote: I have and will forgive cheating, for better or worse

What is the reasoning you use to base your forgiveness of cheating? For me it is not likely a forgivable offense.

Pam wrote:Bad Hygene.

That was on my old list too. It's still a turn-off for me, but it slipped my mind.

Neo wrote:

Vanyl wrote: I have and will forgive cheating, for better or worse

What is the reasoning you use to base your forgiveness of cheating? For me it is not likely a forgivable offense.

I don't really have one. I just know I have done it and while I don't always, I have looked past it before and likely would again depending.

Vanyl wrote:

• - rudeness/lack of manners: I'm 100% a stereotypical Canadian and while my partner need not be, he'd better have the manners of one
  - abuse: it's a turn off, though it takes me longer to realize it than it should
  - weird piercings: there are some body modifications I just can't look past, nipple piercings for example
  - lack of humour: I can't not have laughter in my life

So...what is a stereotypical Canadian?
Abuse...yes. That is a definite turn off. Physical, emotional, sexual, it is all bad and will not be tolerated.
Oh yes, there are some really weird piercings out there. I really don't like the one where they try to make the whole in their earlobe bigger. That just grosses me out. And then the bull nose thingy?? I don't understand it. Really, I just think girls can have 1 piercing in their ear, and none for boys. I don't like boys with piercings. They don't need to have all that bling on them. I'm a simple girl, and my guy doesn't need more bling on him than I have on me. Lol.

Oh yes! One of the things that first attracted me to my hubby were his stupid, yet stupidly funny, jokes! He thinks he is quite funny, and loves to tell jokes. OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. LOL. But I love him and his quirkyness.

- Rudeness. I went out on a date with a guy, and as soon he was rude to the wait staff, I knew it he was not going to work out.
- Laziness (especially if it comes to a guy who doesn't work, or is underemployed to an extent. I basically don't want a deadbeat).
- Intolerance to minorities of any kind.
- General unkind behaviors.
- Male peacocks/Metrosexuals, or any guy who takes longer preening that I do.
- General, un-befitting cockiness.

In generally, I'm not very picky about looks or even personality. But, I can't handle people who are assholes, or too prideful.

Pam wrote:So...what is a stereotypical Canadian?

We are stereotyped as saying "please", "thank you", and "sorry" to the point of overuse. I've been accused of that by Americans and other Canadians on a frequent enough basis to think it's an alive-and-well stereotype now. lol

GlennCoco wrote:- Rudeness. I went out on a date with a guy, and as soon he was rude to the wait staff, I knew it he was not going to work out.

Following on the above, I used to work food service in a residence and one of the items we offered was subs, similar set-up to Subway. Having been on the other side of the glass, I developed a habit of ordering that my partner found... surprising and worthy of commenting. I go slow, never more than 1-2 toppings ahead of where the sandwich maker is at with the toppings and I say "please" or "may I have..." at almost every topping (though not every one).

An order for me goes like this, for example:

Me: "May I please have a foot long meatball on Italian Herb and Cheese?"
SA [sandwich artist]: "Sure!"
Me: "Thank you."
<skip cheese and toasting interactions>
SA: "What toppings would you like?"
Me: "May I please have... lettuce and onions... and green peppers... hot peppers, please... both types of olives, please... and some oregano, please. Thank you."
SA: "Any sauces?"
Me: "Yes, please. May I have <sauce>? Oh, and may I also add parmesan cheese, please? Thank you!"
SA: "Any thing else?"
Me: "No, thank you, that's everything."

Sometimes it's a please after every topping but I've been trying to cut back after it was pointed out that it seems excessive. I will say it's not deliberate, I'm not forcing the pleases, they just kind of come out... Also I tend to smile and appear very gracious for their help, if I'm in a non-smurfy mood. I don't like people who take their frustrations out on others who aren't involved in their problems. That or I smile a lot because there's a sandwich waiting for me that I can't wait to eat...