the-spot.net

I'll be honest, I'm not sure exactly where I see this thread going but it's something that is kicking around in my head and after reading some of the past threads, I was curious to see how things are for others since I was definitely in the minority with my views a decade ago.

I have for a long time known my orientation. It took the last few years to fully figure out how my feelings work but lately, I've been talking to new friends and I'm finding that more and more variants of orientation are emerging. And with it, more frequent challenges in how to identify oneself in a way that accurately describes you. Also, how/when/do you tell your friends or family? I'm blessed with understanding and compassionate parents. I'm pretty sure nothing could make them think less of me openly (I'll never know what they think privately but we're pretty honest so I'm confident privately I'm safe too).

Neo and I talked a bit about the penchant for some people to fetishize certain orientations or people. For example, had I come out as bi-curious earlier on TSN, there may have been some who thought that was hot rather than simply accepted it part of my personality. I struggle with that sometimes, myself. When do my interests become less about what appeals to me and more about how my interests are perceived in society?

I'm rambling and I'm not even sure I have a question, but if anyone can find one in there, go for it...

Vanyl wrote:When do my interests become less about what appeals to me and more about how my interests are perceived in society?

I deal with this question (though for a different aspect of my life: religion) these days when it comes to my family and "friends" I made during different parts of my life.

There are a group of people who will accept you no matter what - and hopefully that includes everyone's family when the time comes - but for society, it's like turning a battleship.

In the past, TSN grew from word of mouth, and it stemmed from a Baptist college and was largely composed of American views which can be quite prudish, so social acceptance was different or non-existent.

These days, it seems acceptance is something more and more people are having to learn, or risk being chastised by society as those who were not accepted once were.

With TSN this time around, I intend to foster even more acceptance between the members, because just like in the past, it's a network of friends...and sexual orientation shouldn't change a friendship. They're still the same people that were friends before.

Vanyl wrote:Also, how/when/do you tell your friends or family?

While I agree with everything I just said, I still struggle breaking the news in a change of viewpoint to my parents and grandparents, or in-laws. I would assume any time would be as good as any other time...but sometimes the status-quo doesn't need to change if things are going well...at least for my religious beliefs - I imagine it's a little more difficult to carry on when it comes to sexual orientation.

Neo wrote:In the past, TSN grew from word of mouth, and it stemmed from a Baptist college and was largely composed of American views which can be quite prudish, so social acceptance was different or non-existent.

These days, it seems acceptance is something more and more people are having to learn, or risk being chastised by society as those who were not accepted once were.

With TSN this time around, I intend to foster even more acceptance between the members, because just like in the past, it's a network of friends...and sexual orientation shouldn't change a friendship. They're still the same people that were friends before.

I agree with that last part 100%, and always find it hard when family or friends change their views of you because of something that really doesn't impact them at all. TSN was a challenge for me beyond just the views on sexuality but it was a learning experience for me too. I was and still am proud of what I am, and for the most part, I was treated fairly by the members here, regardless of how they felt about my choices of religious beliefs or my orientation.

Neo wrote:While I agree with everything I just said, I still struggle breaking the news in a change of viewpoint to my parents and grandparents, or in-laws. I would assume any time would be as good as any other time...but sometimes the status-quo doesn't need to change if things are going well...at least for my religious beliefs - I imagine it's a little more difficult to carry on when it comes to sexual orientation.

I think it is a little harder but even the religion can be a challenging one if it permeates your every day beliefs.

I had a discussion once with an online friend. He's initially from Saudi Arabia but came to Canada when he was a young child so he grew up here with our belief system and culture. He was from a very devout family (I'm not 100% confident if his family was Muslim or Christian, to be honest, but very devout in their religion, whichever it was). He had long ago determined he was atheist but never told his father. His brother was 100% devout Christian, the polar opposite of my friend. My friend to this day hides his beliefs because he wants his father to be happy and knows it would upset him. If my friend were to return to Saudi Arabia, he could be imprisoned and executed for his beliefs, much like I would be if I went there, on the basis of my orientation. We discussed at length the impact of our beliefs and the publicity of them. Religion and sexuality will always be sources of conflict, I think, either personally, famialily, or socially.

I think what matters most is that we should love and care for every human being, no matter what their religion, sexual orientation, race, sex, gender, color...etc. Whatever a persons pov is, we should still show them the respect that every person deserves.

Whatever your orientation is, that shouldn't stop someone from loving you. And people don't have to agree on their beliefs or whatever, but they should still love everyone. If someone comes out to someone, it is probably because they need you to love them and accept them, and that's what you should do. Even if you don't agree with their lifestyle, you should give them your love and support and let them know that you will be there for them whenever they need you.

Breaking the new to parents, family, friends may be tough, but if they truly love and care for you, they will be there for you.

While I was still working on my degree, I did a voluntary program called "Safe Zone." It was made as a way for people in HR, or schools, or generally any type of business to create a safe and welcoming place for those in the LGBT community. The first thing this taught me is that there's a great spectrum not only sexual orientation, but also gender self-identification. It's so much more complex than male, female, gay, lesbian, and bisexual. There are many forms and variations for self-identification and orientation, and they can change as a person grows and changes. Or they can be permanent. It really just depends on whom your genitals and brain likes. The rest are just the societal norms.

Vanyl wrote: Neo and I talked a bit about the penchant for some people to fetishize certain orientations or people. For example, had I come out as bi-curious earlier on TSN, there may have been some who thought that was hot rather than simply accepted it part of my personality. I struggle with that sometimes, myself. When do my interests become less about what appeals to me and more about how my interests are perceived in society?

This class also made me realize some of my own prejudices (and what I also think is pretty common in the US). A lot of people are more friendly to girl-on-girl rather than guy-on-guy. I could see two girls kissing, and think nothing of it. It was even a little hot. But two guys kissing was still a little weird feeling. I thought to myself, why should it be any different? I think it's because we see so much in the media that really sexualizes girl/girl stuff, which has normalized it to an extent (and also fetishized it). I'm hoping it will go that way for guys too. Since this class, and discovering my own prejudices, I try to examine my feelings when I see guy on guy stuff. I've been trying to reprogram myself to find it just as sweet and loving as any other kiss. I have to say, Game of Thrones is helping.

Anyway, I say all that to say that I think in 100 years people will see sexuality as something much bigger than what it is now. The earth is so populated, marriage and sex can be done for pleasure more so that procreation. I think people will change their minds about what sexual normality means. Hopefully we'll change how we think about a simple binary gender system too, because that's also much more complex than just male and female.

Glad you guys made this topic.